Regency courtship
It is sometimes assumed that women did not "date" before marriage. Whilst they did not date privately, most couples had a semi-public courtship before an engagement as young men and women would rarely be allowed to be alone together. Societies strict rules must have made it difficult for a woman to find an agreeable husband. After around the age of 15 or so, girls were generally deemed as "out", which meant they had been introduced into society and could be courted. Lydia is 15 in Pride and Prejudice, but Lady Catherine de Bourgh is so shocked at Elizabeth's younger sisters being "out" because the elder sisters were not married first. A lady would never make the first move as she would be considered incredibly forward. We can see in Sense and Sensibility how Marianne is judged by those around her for her open display of affection towards Willoughby and vice versa. However, this didn't mean that a woman couldn't use tactics to manipulate the situation in her favour as we see with Charlotte Lucas in Pride and Prejudice who manipulates events so Mr Collins proposes to her.
One of the only times young men and women could speak alone, and sometimes not even then, was whilst they were dancing at a ball. This was the only time they would touch as well, which must have made it quite exciting, however, ladies would have gloved hands. Conversation had to remain discreet, and meaning and intent would be interpreted by facial expression. Men and women could sometimes sneak some private conversation whilst on a group country walk. They could fall back from the others so they could talk without prying eyes or ears. A courting couple could not write to each other and it was deemed inappropriate to give each other gifts. Many assume in Sense and Sensibility that Marianne and Mr Willoughby are engaged after he gifts her with a horse, and they also correspond openly.
They had to formally address each other by their surname, as it was considered that you were of inferior rank if addressed by your first name. However, using a first name was acceptable to distinguish between siblings, i.e. Miss Dashwood, Miss Marianne Dashwood, Miss Margaret Dashwood. A courtship was rarely of particularly long duration, Mr Tilney proposes to Catherine Morland after just 11 weeks of knowing her!
